So I have been a bit quiet the last few months. A very good friend of mine at Harlots who took me in like a sister when I moved leagues, made me feel comfortable and helped me out when I struggled with all things whether serious or trivial – has left HH. She still skates but she has moved to Amsterdam to be with her other half and find work out there now she has finished university. This made me incredibly sad and has felt hard. I miss her at practice and our silly car conversations (though I am sure she doesn’t miss my driving or road rage!!) I am so happy for her knowing that she is now living with her man and getting setttled. She has transferred to a team out there and I know she is going to kick so much butt and folk will love her to bits! I miss her and she still has a big part in my Ohana. Get that off my chest. I worked my butt off at derby, made the A squad and prepared to debut on the B team for my first bout as a Harlot this Saturday. All that hard work and excitement could not prepare me for what happened in the lead up. Sunday 13th, weekend before the bout. I felt odd and at one point considered not going to practice but I ignored my gut and went anyway. During warm up drills before scrimmage I fell awkwardly and heard a sharp cracking noise and twisted my ankle as I went down. Originally we figured it was a sprain, I was aided over to the bench and given an ice pack and check over. Where to continued to sit watching scrim for the next two hours with very little pain. My other half came to pick me up and took me to A+E just to get it checked over and confirm it to be a sprain. It had started to swell up like a normal sprain, the lady I saw in A+E believed it to be a sprain but wanted me to have an xray to double check. When she had the xrays back, we were all stunned. The doctor was genuinely in disbelief as my ankle to look at simply looked like a bad sprain. But… There it was on the screen. Broken. I had sprained my ankle but managed to obtain an oblique fracture break down my fibula in my left ankle. Great. Enter the floods of tears. My dreams of bouting as a Hellfire Harlot had been torn up right infront of my face. The rest of Sunday meant a storm of emotions, flicking between disbelief/denial – some casual acceptance that this has happened – and generally freaking out. I had reached a stage where I felt genuinely at home, I was starting to get to know my league mates more and feel like part of the team. I’d started to believe in my abilities on track. And now I am back to a low point. I have never broken a bone before this. I always thought breaking a bone would be excruciatingly painful and messy. But I am now facing the truth and what I have to deal with. And I am scared. I know I am not the only one to go through this and knowing that gives me hope, many derby girls have broken ankles and returned to the track. I am gradually getting over the initial pain, it is currently the bruising against my cast that hurts the most. I am able to lift my leg and wiggle my toes as told to. I feel if it hadn’t been for derby, my thighs would not be coping this well right now!! The Harlots happen to have a few previously broken teamies who’s breaks were ankle based. I have skated alongside these women and watched a practice Wednesday night which made me well up a little inside. A skater called Finn in particular who has had quite an impact on me is one of these. As a selected captain for the bout she has been positive and supportive of me as a skater and person in the lead up. She has helped me when I have needed it and when this happened she was supportive with her own experience. And watching her skate just made me feel hope. Other skates with favorable mention are the so far unbroken but current hero of mine Nicky “Panic!” Who continuously kicked my butt in practice and made me work for it. And the unstoppable force that is Rosie “Bunnie Suicide now legit Peacock” who has bounced back from a variety of injuries and operations who is in all honesty a bit of an idol of mine with her general ability and her incredible drive and motivation both physically and mentally. I know it won’t be easy, this is the first time I have experienced anything like this. I am scared. I am scared of the current situation and also scared for what happens when the cast comes off. It will be hard work. But I am so hopeful that my league will still be there by my side ready to support me and help me get back on track, continue to kick my ass and get me to work hard to get back to where I was. So after returning to hospital yesterday to see fracture clinic and get some answers (not to mention rid of the awful back slab and have a nice sturdy new cast!) I feel slightly better, I am still devastated but answers are always good. So my answers: I am 6 weeks non weight bearing. Will be continually evaluated to see how this goes. The bone is starting to heal normally, if it continues this way then I will not require an operation. The ligaments either side of my ankle have been sprained but are not damaged as far as they can tell. 70% of healing will be in the next 3 months, the last bit may take up to a year to be entirely right again. The doctor has said that a positive attitude, solid support and the motivation to keep my muscles moving and heal properly will be key in recovery. I am determined to work hard as though I will be returning as a skater. I am being sensible and will not return until I am fully capable of doing so. I would like not to wait a year until I am 100% – but at the end of the day I will have to make decisions. As far as I am concerned at this point in time, I will skate again as Tiki Terror for the Hellfire Harlots. If, when it comes to it, returning to contact is not possible, I am determined to stay a part of derby, whether I learn to ref or become an NSO. I do not want to leave my newly found derby Ohana. Although I have not been with the Harlots long, they all have a huge place in my heart and have all had an impact on me at some point or other. It means the world to me that the Harlots and my family (blood and non blood) have been so amazingly supportive!! Work has also been impressively supportive – I am working from home a majority of the time but will be popping into the office on various days for other bits and pieces of work as well as sanity. I hope I will continue to have wonderful people around me and we get to have a drink and dance when this all blows over!!! ❤ I will try to update this and use this as a way of coping for the next few months, I will try not to get too sorry for myself.. I hope!! A positive ending… I had a new cast put on yesterday. I do think the man should have asked me what colour cast I wanted before he gave me the laughing gas/entronox… Aparrently “ANYTHING FROM THE KIDS SECTION!!” may have been taken deadly seriously..